Hyde was last seen attacking and kidnapping Ana in a previous storyline, but now he’s back, out of prison and consumed with revenge. Joining the tedium are several actors locked into iron-clad three-picture studio contracts to play recurring characters like Ana’s best friend, who is having an affair with Christian’s brother, as well as the villainous Jack Hyde, the editor at Ana’s publishing company. Starring: Dakota Johnson, Jamie Dornan, Eric Johnson and Eloise Mumford Written by: Niall Leonard (screenplay) and E. When things get too dangerous, he whisks her away to his rustic ski lodge in Aspen where they lick a pint of Ben & Jerry’s off each other, discreetly photographed out of frame below the bikini line. Summoned to tie up the assailant with an object of restraint, a female bodyguard shrugs, “I haven’t got anything.” Ana replies, “ We do.” The market audience at the screening I attended went viral with laughter. For proof, there’s the scene when Christian is out-of-town (shopping for another yacht, no doubt) and Ana is threatened by an intruder during a break-in.
They’re also still loopy over the ecstasy of whips, chains and exotic lubricants -to the delight of the franchise’s bafflingly large fan base. She’s still happy to straddle him in sports cars and be cuffed to bedposts. For at least ten minutes, it looks like they’ll settle down, but hell, you can’t detain a pair of overpaid, self-indulgent sex addicts very long with a case of coitus interruptus, so it’s back to business as usual. This time he locks up the sex toys and takes her to the altar in Paris, then on a trip in his private jet to a glamorous honeymoon in the South of France.
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